there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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