It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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