he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
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So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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