My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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