i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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