Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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