Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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