i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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