Please, let me fuck your mom
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
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I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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