He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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