Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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