And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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