I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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