new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize