he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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