sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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