Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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