At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The adults are the big ones right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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