Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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(614): She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward? http://tfl.nu/41t8

Replies (34) Good night (1110) Bad night (8408)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.

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(601): I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win. http://tfl.nu/cl0o

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

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(412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6

Replies (6) Good night (4357) Bad night (837)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

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(313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic

Replies (14) Good night (6340) Bad night (1057)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.

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(248): Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed. http://tfl.nu/2aby

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(402): View more from Nebraska

All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

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(402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was http://tfl.nu/p0yn

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent

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(856): I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent http://tfl.nu/ara2

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him

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(608): He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him http://tfl.nu/0tzl

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!

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(910): Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/gina

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(910): View more from North Carolina

oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment

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(910): oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment http://tfl.nu/2in4

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(904): View more from Florida

HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

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(904): HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. http://tfl.nu/mng5

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(210): View more from Texas

The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.

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(210): The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple. http://tfl.nu/ks4u

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on

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(303): It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on http://tfl.nu/2wn1

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(661): View more from California

Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.

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(661): Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears. http://tfl.nu/33uz

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug

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(267): I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug http://tfl.nu/3mhw

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