I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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