Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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