My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize