god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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