fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize