I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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