no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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