Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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