end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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