I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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