What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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