Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize