I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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