did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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