i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i now understand why vodka
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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