just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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