I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize