P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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