I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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