Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3723) Bad night (1157)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works

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  (678): No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works http://tfl.nu/f20p
  Replies (10) Good night (2448) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7053) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us

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  (919): CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us http://tfl.nu/dd67
  Replies (80) Good night (3375) Bad night (4522) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.

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  (801): Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body. http://tfl.nu/oco3
  Replies (4) Good night (809) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  His apartment number was 69. I had to.

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  (214): His apartment number was 69. I had to. http://tfl.nu/cn9s
  Replies (22) Good night (7971) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job

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  (703): You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job http://tfl.nu/in54
  Replies (27) Good night (1467) Bad night (3312) Order T-Shirt
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool

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  (339): he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool http://tfl.nu/n767
  Replies (5) Good night (2083) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  What's a "vodkaffle"?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.

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  (208): What's a "vodkaffle"? (608): It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix. http://tfl.nu/84eu
  Replies (10) Good night (4065) Bad night (834)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.

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  (574): Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things. http://tfl.nu/zj1a
  Replies (6) Good night (2780) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.

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  (709): You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese. http://tfl.nu/dujc
  Replies (6) Good night (2644) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all

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  (831): I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all http://tfl.nu/rp5b
  Replies (4) Good night (1287) Bad night (339)
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  (619): View more from California

  Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight

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  (619): Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight http://tfl.nu/2z23
  Replies (14) Good night (1683) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.

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  (816): We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri. http://tfl.nu/7urx
  Replies (5) Good night (784) Bad night (234)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to like rub my face on his abs

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need help

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  (610): I just want to like rub my face on his abs (610): I need help http://tfl.nu/fsti
  Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (196)

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