I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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