broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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