is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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