ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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