anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize