I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize