so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
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well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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