I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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