Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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