I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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