In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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